Managing Your Love Life After Kids

Love Life After Kids

It might seem like a distant memory, but do you remember your love life before children? Every night was a “date night” and might include dinner and a play, movie or other entertainment. You would fall into bed and connect with your partner, then lazily sleep in the following morning. You might be laughing out loud at the comparison of that to what you have now, after kids. But you still have a healthy love life after you have children. Here are some tips to managing your love life after kids.

You Might Be Exhausted

It’s probably the biggest reason you’re not getting intimate more often with your spouse. Particularly if you have kids under 2 who aren’t consistently sleeping through the night: by the time you get dinner, bath, bedtime and your little one is settled, all you can think about is getting some shuteye. The sleep deprivation is hard to fix until a little later, but don’t deprive yourself of some mood-boosting and healthy intimacy with your spouse. We all know that kids tend to drive the schedule around the house, but you can work within that framework to spend a little time together. It is not uncommon for couples to find that their best opportunity for intimacy isn’t at night. If, by chance, you’re lucky enough to have a predictable napper, you’ll have some time alone: make the most of it!

Let Someone Watch the Kids

There’s no law that says – when you drop the kids off at a sitter – that you have to go out. Arrange for an outside sitter, then head home instead. Yes, you will feel a tinge of guild at being home alone. Quickly replace it with this thought: when you feel physically and emotionally connected to your partner, you will be a better parent. Taking care of your needs – and the needs of your spouse – are important to enable you to take care of the needs of your children. In this same spirit, it is perfectly acceptable to take of early from work and meet your spouse at home for a rendezvous before you pick up the kids at daycare.

Schedule It

You will likely grimace at the notion that you should actually schedule couples-time on your calendar. You think it will feel like an appointment or something on your to-do list. Then, you will see that there, amidst the pediatrician and play dates, your meetings and the gym, you have prioritized time to devote to your partner. It will feel strange, but when you see that scheduling time results in more romantic moments, you will agree to it, at least in the near term.

If You’re Not Feeling It

If you’re the parents of a newborn or baby under the age of one year and you’re not feeling as turned on as you used to, don’t be afraid to talk to your OB/GYN or general doctor. Hormonal imbalances, vaginal dryness and poor sleep can all contribute to your sex drive. Be open about your feelings and ask your medical practitioner for possible treatments.

Managing your love life after kids can be a challenge, but the investments you make to keep romance in your relationships will strengthen bonds with your partner and the connections the two of your share with your kids.