Four signs you need Family support as a single mom.

family support needed

Being a single parent is hard. I remember coming home from the hospital with my son, holding him, and sobbing for hours. It didn't get better. In fact, it got worse. Suffering from postpartum psychosis and lack of sleep, I desperately needed family support - but I didn't know when to ask for it. Looking back, there were many signs I needed help - here are 4 to look out for.

1.     You are crying often.

Crying is a sign of multiple things. It could be a sign you are overwhelmed and need a break. It could signify that you are getting sick, as crying is an immune response when everything else is getting too weak. Crying is also a sign of severe sleep deprivation. Any of these are a sign that it is time to get a full night's sleep and get some help. Call a family member who can come, or even a close friend. If you cry a couple of times because you are momentarily overwhelmed, that is one thing. If you feel like you are crying more often than smiling (no matter how old your kiddos are) it is time to bring in the reinforcements.

2.      You are feeling off.

By this, I mean you are feeling dizzy, weak, nauseous - anything that doesn't feel right. Recovering from childbirth, or a particularly hard week with school or a teenager, can break down your body's defenses and leave you much more vulnerable to becoming ill - which you can’t afford as a single parent.

3.     You are thinking of hurting your child

As much as I wish I could say it doesn't happen - this happens all of the time. With postpartum psychosis, I STILL frequently consider throwing my son (whom I love more than anything else) into the garbage - and he's almost 9 months old. While this is most often found in parents with young children who are still adjusting to single parenthood, it can happen to any overwhelmed parent - no matter how much you love your children. Having experienced this desire first-hand - ADMITTING IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR CHILD WILL BE TAKEN AWAY!! I cannot stress this enough. If you are truly overwhelmed and feel you may hurt your child, CALL SOMEBODY. It doesn't matter if it is family, friends, the cops.......any of these people will come to your aid.

4.     You need an adult.

Lastly - as much as kids rock, you can't really vent to them - it's not appropriate and they do not deserve that burden. Sometimes, you just need that interaction with an adult. This is crucially important to your mental health. If you feel yourself getting frustrated or anxious, it is time to organize a visit to your family - either to drop the kids off or enjoy time in a larger unit. Doing this before you hit a breaking point is by far the healthiest thing you can do for you and your children.

Just remember - even when things are getting particularly difficult, you are not failing as a parent. All parents hit the point where they just need some help - married and single parents alike. It doesn't mean you can't do your job - it means you are doing exactly what you need. And your kids will love you through it all.

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5 First Date Tips For Single Moms

Have an Engaging Conversation

While it may seem that your life revolves around your kids, keep in mind that your date may not have children and may want to know some information about your child—your date doesn’t necessarily want to know everything. Talking about your child can be a conversation killer, because your date may not be able to relate and therefore it ends up with you talking and you date listening the whole time. The conversation should be engaging for both parties. Use your judgment--if your date is asking many questions about your child(ren) and seems interested, by all means talk about them. However, if the conversation is just dragging on for the sake of conversation, find a topic that you are both interested in.

5 First Date Tips For Single Moms

Avoid Talking About Your Ex

Your ex may come up in the conversation but you want to keep it vague. On the first date, you are trying to determine if you and your date are compatible enough for a second date—save the details about you and your ex until you know things are going to get more serious between you and your date. Otherwise, many single moms end up talking negatively about their ex, dissing him, blaming him, etc. This makes you come off as dramatic and your date will want no part of it. Instead, spend less time talking about your ex so that your date will know that you have moved on and are ready to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.

Don’t Over Dress

One of the biggest mistakes made by single moms on their first date, along with many women in general- with kids or not, is feeling the need to over dress. These women believe they need to look overly sexy in order to catch their dates attention in hopes of guaranteeing a second date. Whether it be a short dress, big heals, a busty neck line, or a tight fit, these clothes can be uncomfortable and distracting. If you are looking for a long term partner, you don’t want to be dressing for a one night stand. Instead, wear something that you feel confortable and attractive in. The last thing you need is for a wardrobe malfunction on your first date—then you may be too embarrassed to go out with him again.

Be Present

Being a single mom usually means that you are going to have to hire a babysitter to watch your children while you are on your date. You need to hire a sitter that you trust because if not, you are going to be checking your phone non-stop throughout the night looking to see if the sitter is having any problems. It is completely normal to worry about your kids while you are out, however you need to ease this stress with a good sitter so that you can be present in the moment on your date and not having your mind somewhere else.

Don’t Introduce Your Date to Your Kids

Many single moms want their child to meet their date before or after the night out. This is a terrible idea—your child, especially if they are not used to you dating, will feel overwhelmed and potentially threatened by a new person in your life. Instead, wait for a few more dates until you can determine if he is going to be long term or not.

 

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5 Tips to Transform from Single Mom to Hot Mama

It is easy to fall into the pitfalls of being a single mom, especially when you have more than one child. However, transforming from single mom to hot mama is possible for any mom who wants to make the jump. The key to the transformation from single mom to hot mama is confidence.  Most single moms fall into the slump of not taking care of themselves, always taking care of their kids, so they don’t feel attractive, sexy, or desireable. You don’t have to fall into this slump, you just need to regain that confidence again. Here are 5 tips to transforming from single mom to hot mama.

5 Tips to Transform from Single Mom to Hot Mama

Work Out

One of the best ways to re-gain your confidence is to feel good about yourself. Working out will be a way to shave off pounds while also allowing you to reduce your stress levels and feel the endorphins that make you feel good. You can work-out at your home, with a program like P90x, or just going outside for a walk or run, or join a gym. I recommend joining a gym, as it will allow you to take part in group fitness classes where you can meet new people and working out with other people is always more fun than working out alone. Zumba seems to becoming more and more popular among moms and it is a easy and fun way to lose weight. Yoga is also a means of working out that not only helps build your core strength, burning calories, but also helps with mind control and can reduce stress.

 

Purchase New Clothes.

Whether your having to lay down on the bed and suck in your stomach as much as you can to button your jeans or your jeans are so big and baggy you need to use a belt to hold them up—we’ve all experienced it one way or another. In order to gain confidence and feel good, and look good, you need to wear clothes that FIT! Clothes begin to have sentimental value, which is why it gets hard to throw them away, or they cost so much that you still want to keep and wear the item even though it is out of style now. But having new clothes that align with your age and your personality is key to the Hot Mama transformation.

 

Update Your Hair

Having a new do is a major way to embrace change. If you have ever seen a make-over show, like What Not to Wear on TLC, a new haircut is a huge part of the transformation. Having a new do will allow you to see yourself in a new light and have to adjust and embrace the new you. Also, for those moms who are starting to see a few grays here or there, this is a time to try coloring your hair! While “granny hair” is trendy now, if you want to get rid of the grays be daring a try a color or, if not so daring, pick a shade that is closest to your hair natural color.

 

Make Time For Yourself.

Most moms seem to do it—They put everyone else first and themselves last. However, if you are taking care of yourself, you can better help others! Make time to get your nails done or get a massage. You time is important, not only for yourself but also to become a Hot Mama.

 

Have a Hobby.

Having a hobby will give you more confidence; If you are good at something, you feel good about it and therefore yourself. If you truly want to embrace a new life as a Hot Mama, think about trying a brand new hobby, like rock climbing or Zumba. Yet, if you already have a hobby that you enjoy, embrace your current hobby!

 

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Raising your Children as a Single Mom

Single Mom

Being a single mom can be both a blessing and a curse. As a single mom all the responsibility and weight of raising children falls on you. While you’re probably amazing at what you do, it can also be extremely stressful. So, what can you do to make raising your children as the only parent in the household a little easier? Well, here are a couple of key things to take into consideration.

Have Backup Plans in Case of an Emergency

One of the first things you want to do as a single mom is to have a backup plan in case of an emergency. This can include everything from if one of your children gets sick or you have to suddenly leave town. It’s best to have a plan of action in case the worst happen. While you may not need it, it’s still good to have it in place. There is a small chance that the worst can occur at any time though. Also, keep a list of numbers for poison control, the doctor’s office, and any other important contact information in case of an emergency. When the worst happens it’s easy to forget simple information.

Someone to Watch the Kids

Another aspect you will want to consider is to have someone who can watch the kids once in a while. This can be for emergencies or if you want to go out to have some fun. As a single mom most of your time is going to be focused around taking care of your kids. However, it’s good to take some time off and have a night to yourself. This will help you to recharge after a busy day of work and dealing with the kids. Also, if you happen to go out on a date, it frees you up to enjoy the evening.

Keep a Careful Eye on Finances

As a single mom, it can be difficult when it comes to money. Knowing what to spend your money on first while trying to save some can be a hard decision to make. One of the things you want to do is what you absolutely pay for first. This should be bills and groceries. Once you have paid for those, set some aside into a savings account. This way you’ll have a small nest egg in case a surprise payment pops up. If you have a little leftover after that, maybe do something nice for the kids.

You’re strong to be a single mom. You have to work constantly around the clock to provide for your children. Don’t be worried if you make mistakes at times. There is a lot of responsibility on your shoulders to make sure everything is running smoothly. As long as you keep things in order and have an action plan for when the worst happens, you’ll be better prepared. As a single mom you’re also setting a good example for your children by being a strong role model.

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