Four signs you need Family support as a single mom.

family support needed

Being a single parent is hard. I remember coming home from the hospital with my son, holding him, and sobbing for hours. It didn't get better. In fact, it got worse. Suffering from postpartum psychosis and lack of sleep, I desperately needed family support - but I didn't know when to ask for it. Looking back, there were many signs I needed help - here are 4 to look out for.

1.     You are crying often.

Crying is a sign of multiple things. It could be a sign you are overwhelmed and need a break. It could signify that you are getting sick, as crying is an immune response when everything else is getting too weak. Crying is also a sign of severe sleep deprivation. Any of these are a sign that it is time to get a full night's sleep and get some help. Call a family member who can come, or even a close friend. If you cry a couple of times because you are momentarily overwhelmed, that is one thing. If you feel like you are crying more often than smiling (no matter how old your kiddos are) it is time to bring in the reinforcements.

2.      You are feeling off.

By this, I mean you are feeling dizzy, weak, nauseous - anything that doesn't feel right. Recovering from childbirth, or a particularly hard week with school or a teenager, can break down your body's defenses and leave you much more vulnerable to becoming ill - which you can’t afford as a single parent.

3.     You are thinking of hurting your child

As much as I wish I could say it doesn't happen - this happens all of the time. With postpartum psychosis, I STILL frequently consider throwing my son (whom I love more than anything else) into the garbage - and he's almost 9 months old. While this is most often found in parents with young children who are still adjusting to single parenthood, it can happen to any overwhelmed parent - no matter how much you love your children. Having experienced this desire first-hand - ADMITTING IT DOES NOT MEAN YOUR CHILD WILL BE TAKEN AWAY!! I cannot stress this enough. If you are truly overwhelmed and feel you may hurt your child, CALL SOMEBODY. It doesn't matter if it is family, friends, the cops.......any of these people will come to your aid.

4.     You need an adult.

Lastly - as much as kids rock, you can't really vent to them - it's not appropriate and they do not deserve that burden. Sometimes, you just need that interaction with an adult. This is crucially important to your mental health. If you feel yourself getting frustrated or anxious, it is time to organize a visit to your family - either to drop the kids off or enjoy time in a larger unit. Doing this before you hit a breaking point is by far the healthiest thing you can do for you and your children.

Just remember - even when things are getting particularly difficult, you are not failing as a parent. All parents hit the point where they just need some help - married and single parents alike. It doesn't mean you can't do your job - it means you are doing exactly what you need. And your kids will love you through it all.

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5 Tips to Transform from Single Mom to Hot Mama

It is easy to fall into the pitfalls of being a single mom, especially when you have more than one child. However, transforming from single mom to hot mama is possible for any mom who wants to make the jump. The key to the transformation from single mom to hot mama is confidence.  Most single moms fall into the slump of not taking care of themselves, always taking care of their kids, so they don’t feel attractive, sexy, or desireable. You don’t have to fall into this slump, you just need to regain that confidence again. Here are 5 tips to transforming from single mom to hot mama.

5 Tips to Transform from Single Mom to Hot Mama

Work Out

One of the best ways to re-gain your confidence is to feel good about yourself. Working out will be a way to shave off pounds while also allowing you to reduce your stress levels and feel the endorphins that make you feel good. You can work-out at your home, with a program like P90x, or just going outside for a walk or run, or join a gym. I recommend joining a gym, as it will allow you to take part in group fitness classes where you can meet new people and working out with other people is always more fun than working out alone. Zumba seems to becoming more and more popular among moms and it is a easy and fun way to lose weight. Yoga is also a means of working out that not only helps build your core strength, burning calories, but also helps with mind control and can reduce stress.

 

Purchase New Clothes.

Whether your having to lay down on the bed and suck in your stomach as much as you can to button your jeans or your jeans are so big and baggy you need to use a belt to hold them up—we’ve all experienced it one way or another. In order to gain confidence and feel good, and look good, you need to wear clothes that FIT! Clothes begin to have sentimental value, which is why it gets hard to throw them away, or they cost so much that you still want to keep and wear the item even though it is out of style now. But having new clothes that align with your age and your personality is key to the Hot Mama transformation.

 

Update Your Hair

Having a new do is a major way to embrace change. If you have ever seen a make-over show, like What Not to Wear on TLC, a new haircut is a huge part of the transformation. Having a new do will allow you to see yourself in a new light and have to adjust and embrace the new you. Also, for those moms who are starting to see a few grays here or there, this is a time to try coloring your hair! While “granny hair” is trendy now, if you want to get rid of the grays be daring a try a color or, if not so daring, pick a shade that is closest to your hair natural color.

 

Make Time For Yourself.

Most moms seem to do it—They put everyone else first and themselves last. However, if you are taking care of yourself, you can better help others! Make time to get your nails done or get a massage. You time is important, not only for yourself but also to become a Hot Mama.

 

Have a Hobby.

Having a hobby will give you more confidence; If you are good at something, you feel good about it and therefore yourself. If you truly want to embrace a new life as a Hot Mama, think about trying a brand new hobby, like rock climbing or Zumba. Yet, if you already have a hobby that you enjoy, embrace your current hobby!

 

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How to be a Positive Role Model as a Single Parent

Being A Single Parent

Whether it’s the result of death, divorce or by choice, the number of single parents in America today has risen exponentially in the past 30 years. Gone is the stigma of being a single parent.

Dads are raising daughters and Moms are doing the same for their sons. Is it easier to parent a child of the same sex? Absolutely.

But it isn’t impossible.

Has the American Dream Died?

In a word, no. But it has morphed since the two-parent household days of “Father Knows Best” and “Ozzie and Harriet”.

The American dream of owning your own house, feeling safe in your neighborhood and having a good family relationship is still very much alive.

The rising divorce rate in America has created an atmosphere of disposable families. While we still believe a loving two-parent household is best, we realize that kids will do better in school and in life without the tension of parents who are battling each other.

Communicate

Fear is the biggest killer of relationships because fear causes us to remain silent. You and your child need to talk all the time whether it’s about allowance, friends or starting to be more independent as a new driver.

If you talk honestly with your child and tell them what it’s like to be a single parent from your perspective, she will be more likely to talk with you about her issues as well.

Does that mean you should treat your kid like your BFF? No, not at all. But there’s no harm in saying things like needing to stick to your monthly budget when she wants to buy the latest designer wear. Explaining how budgets work, how life evolves by using open communication is a healthy way to be a positive role model.

Show Don’t Just Tell

Telling your child you love them is important to be sure. But showing them? That speaks volumes. Take time each day for you to play with your kids. Moms, throw a ball around with your sons. Time is the best gift you can give your child and that teaches them to value relationships.

This also extends to you as a parent reaching out for help when you need it. And let your child see that you’ve asked for help. It will show her not to be afraid of asking for help every now and again.

Set Boundaries

This can be as simple as speaking respectfully all the way up to making a plan with your teen when she starts getting together with friends and partying. Talk about what you will and won’t accept and make a plan together.

Opposite Sex Role Models

Avoid trashing an ex-spouse to your child and include friends of the opposite sex who aren’t romantic partners. This shows your kid that she can have male friends without it being a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship which helps her build solid relationships with both sexes when she gets older.

Single parenting is challenging but is also filled with the joy of showing your child how good life can be.

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